A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom
& Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry
detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly,
asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. 

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very
powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In
fact, it might even kill him." 

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent
to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to
talk him out of washing his dog. 

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some
candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. 

"Oh, he died," the boy said. 

The grocer, trying not to be an "I-told-you-so", said he was
sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use
that detergent on your dog." 

"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent
that killed him." 

"Oh? What was it then?" 

"I think it was the spin cycle!" 

How do you make love to a fat girl?

Roll her in flour and go for the wet spot. 

   A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and
   while he's drinking it the monkey is running wild. The monkey jumps up
   on the pool table and grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and
   swallows it whole.
   
   The bartender is livid and says to the guy, "Did you see what your
   monkey just did?"
   
   "No. What did that stupid shit do this time?" says the patron.
   
   "Well, he just swallowed the cue ball off the pool table, whole" says
   the bartender.
   
   "Yeah, well I hope it kills the fucker because he's been driving me
   nuts" says the patron.
   
   The guy finishes his drink and leaves.
   
   Two weeks later he comes back with the monkey. He orders a drink and
   the monkey starts running wild around the bar again. While the man is
   drinking his drink, the monkey finds some peanuts on the bar. He grabs
   one, sticks it up his ass, then pulls it out and eats it. The
   bartender is disgusted.
   
   "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
   
   "What now?" responds the patron. "Well, he stuck a peanut up his ass,
   then pulled it out and ate it" says the bartender.
   
   "Well, what do you expect?" replied the patron. "Ever since he ate
   that damn cue ball he measures everything first!!!"
   

What is Pink and Red and sits in a corner? 

     A baby with a razor blade. 

Prosecutor: Mr. Clinton, did you have an improper relationship with
   Monica Lewinsky?
   Pres: Improper? ... Ain't nothing improper about that. That was one of
   the the sweetest interns I've ever had.