Rabbi Stern rides his bike down the road, when a truck careens around =
the corner, out of control, and broadsides the Rabbi.

Father Flannery watches this event unfold, and as he runs toward the =
Rabbi, he notices that Rabbi Stern first touches his forehead, then his =
stomach, then each shoulder. As Father Flannery reaches the Rabbi, he =
kneels and makes the sign of the cross himself.

"Rabbi, I notice that you crossed yourself after getting up from the =
accident. It's a miracle, must be! Have you seen the light? Do you =
believe, man?"

"Aw, heck no!" replied Rabbi Stern, "I was just checking."

"Checking? Checking for what?"

Rabbi Stern begins the ritual again, and follows each movement with: =
"Spectacles... Testicles... Wallet... Watch!"

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident.
The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in
his book. He then asked the Pope for his name, and looked
it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I
will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They
walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all
sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer
and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how
important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his
house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to
a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that
this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to
St. Peter, "Just a minute! That other guy was a lawyer and he
gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church,
and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the
Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But
we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first
lawyer ever to make it up here."

Q: What's the hardest thing about eating shaved pussy?
A: Putting the diaper back on.

Husband: Want a quickie?

Wife: As opposed to what? 

What's long and hard that a Greek bride gets on her wedding night?

A new last name.