TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother 
Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring 
about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their 
habits, and paint in the nude. 

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the 
nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each 
other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, 
they open the door.

"Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?" 

Two nuns were driving alone out in the boonies. They ran out of gas. 
Fortunately they could walk to a gas station not far away, where they 
asked to purchase a can of gasoline. "I'm sorry, sister," said the 
attendant, "but all I have for you to carry it in is an old chamber
pot. The nuns agreed that this would be fine. They returned to the car.
As they were pouring the gasoline into the tank, a man drove by, stopped 
his car, and said, "Oh sister, if only I had your faith."

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:

Man: Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for
50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife,
but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old.

Father: When was the last time you made a confession?

Man: I never have, I am Jewish.

Father: Then why are telling me all this?

Man: I am telling everybody ... 

   A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go duck hunting.
   
   He tells his wife, "You've got three choices; you can go duck hunting
   with me, I'll do ya anally or you can give me a blowjob. I'm gonna
   load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before I get
   back."
   
   Hubby returns twenty minutes later and says, "Well what's it gonna
   be?"
   
   She say's, "There's no way I'm going duck hunting and you're not doing
   my ass so I guess it's a blowjob."
   
   A couple minutes later she starts choking and spitting and says,
   "Jesus, you taste like shit."
   
   "Oh yeah," he replies, "The dog didn't want to go duck huntin'
   either."
   

   Grandma Saperstein and Grandpa Rabinowitz are sitting on the veranda
   of the old folks
   home rocking back and forth in their rocking chairs. Grandpa
   Rabinowitz rocks forward in
   his chair and says to Grandma, "Fuck you!"
   Grandma Saperstein rocks forward in her chair and says to Grandpa,
   "Fuck you too!"
   Grandpa becomes very much excited and shouts, "Fuck you!" swinging
   more forward
   again.
   Grandma remains graceful but leans forward and says, "Fuck you again."
   This goes on for about 10 minutes. Finally Grandpa says, "You know
   something,
   Grandma, this oral sex thing ain't all it's cracked up to be."