Two men met at a bar and struck up a conversation.
After a while one of them said, "You think you have
family problems? Listen to my situation: A few
years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up
daughter and we got married. Lately, my father
married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter
my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also
my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.
Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a
son. This boy was my half brother because he was my
father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's
daughter which made him my wife's grandson. That
made me grandfather of my half-brother. This was
nothing until my wife and I had a son.
     Now the sister of my son, my mother-in-law is
also the grandmother. This makes my father the
brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my
father's wife. I am my stepmother's brother-in-law,
my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my
father's nephew and I am my own grandfather and you
think you have family problems.

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners. The Lamaze class 
was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe 
properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at 
this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher. "Walking is 
especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the 
time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised 
his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"

There were two cats that enjoyed running together. 
The first cat was english, called One-two-three.
The other was french and called Un-deux-trois. 
One day when they were running they came to a huge
river. The cats took a large run up and leapt as
far as they could. Which cat drowned? 
     Un-deux-trois cat sank 
     (un deux trois quatre cinq) 

Why is it so hard for women to find kind, sweet,
sensitive men in this world?

Because they already have boyfriends!

A man goes into a bar and sits down to have a drink....he notices that
at the other end of the bar is the most attractive woman he has ever
seen....he is immediately lust-struck and decides that he must have
her....He leans over to the bartender and asks if the bartender has any
Spanish-fly in the back....the bartender says he will check and comes
back a couple of minutes later with a small packet of white powder....he
says to the man..."this isn't Spanish-fly, we are all out of that....but
this is just as good....this is Jewish-fly, and it is guaranteed to get
her over here within twenty minutes after she takes it!" so the man
forks over his $10 and asks the bartender to put the Jewish-fly into a
champagne cocktail and deliver it to the gorgeous creature with his
compliments.....

The woman drinks the champagne cocktail and looks at our hero rather
disinterestedly.....but about twenty minutes later she slinks off her
barstool....she saunters across the room toward our hero in a most
seductive manner....oozing sensuality....our hero is terrifically
excited....she reaches him and puts one lithe arm around his shoulders
and leans in close to his ear...he can feel her breath on his
neck....and she whispers "Hey big boy....want to go shopping?"