One morning following a tiff, I put my pants on too roughly & ripped
   the seam along the fly. I glared at my wife and said "I'll wear these
   today so everyone in the Office will know what I have to put up with."
   
   She said, "No, I'll repair them. I don't want them to know what I have
   to put up with."

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE
IN LOVE?

"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell
if  he's in love."  (John, 9)

"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will
get cold. Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)

"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire.
They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts
are... on fire."  (Christine, 9)

Only in Merry Olde England

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling
humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat
and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her fourth
move he burst out laughing. She had him arrested.

When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why
he acted in such a manner. His reply was:

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was
pregnant. She sat under an advertisement which read "Coming
Soon The Gold Dust Twins", then she moved under one that read
"Sloans Liniments remove Swelling". I was even more amused when
she sat under a shaving advertisement which read "William Stick
Did The Trick". Then I could not control myself any longer when
on the fourth move she sat under an advertisement which read
"Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident."