Some years back my live-in girlfriend (and now wife) came 
home while I was napping on the living room couch.  I was still 
half asleep when she leaned over me to try and get a kiss.  I 
wanted to say "don't get your hopes up" but then thought 
maybe "don't jump the gun" would be better.  In my half-awake 
state it came out "Don't get your guns up."

From a radio program, a true report of a
   happening in Michigan, USA. A guy buys a brand new
   Jeep Grand Cherokee for $30,000 and has $400+
   monthly payments. He and a friend go duck hunting
   and of course all the lakes are frozen. These two
   Atomic Brains go to the lake with the guns, the
   dog, the beer and of course the new vehicle. They
   drive out onto the lake ice and get ready. Now,
   they want to make some kind of a natural landing
   area for the ducks, something for the decoys to
   float on. In order to make a hole large enough to
   look like something a wandering duck would fly
   down and land on, it is going to take a little
   more effort than an ice hole drill. Out of the
   back of the new Grand Cherokee comes a stick of
   dynamite with a short, 40-second fuse. Now these
   two Rocket Scientists do take into consideration
   that if they place the stick of dynamite on the
   ice at a location far from where they are standing
   (and the new Grand Cherokee), they don't want to
   take the risk of slipping on the ice when they run
   from the burning fuse and possibly go up in smoke
   with the resulting blast. So, they decide to light
   this 40-second fuse and throw the dynamite.
   Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned 
   the vehicle, the beer,the guns and the dog? Yes, the
   dog: A highly trained Black Lab used for
   retrieving, especially things thrown by the owner.
   You guessed it, the dog takes off at a high rate of
   doggy speed on the ice and captures the stick of
   dynamite with the burning 40-second fuse about the
   time it hits the ice. The two men yell, scream,
   wave arms and wonder what to do now. The dog,
   cheered on, keeps coming. One of the guys grabs
   the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is
   loaded with 8 duck shot, hardly big enough to stop
   a Black Lab. The dog stops for a moment,slightly
   confused but continues on. Another shot and this
   time the dog, still standing, becomes really
   confused & of course scared,thinking these two
   Nobel Prize winners have gone insane. He takes off
   to find cover, (with the now really short fuse
   burning on the stick of dynamite).... under the
   brand new Cherokee. BOOM ! Dog and Cherokee are
   blown to bits and sink to the bottom of the lake
   in a very large hole, leaving the two candidates
   for Co-leaders of the Known Universe standing
   there with this "I can't believe this happened"
   look on their faces. The insurance company says
   that sinking a vehicle in a lake by illegal use of
   explosives is not covered. He had yet to make the
   first of those $400+ a month payments.

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old 
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.  
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"  I replied, "Yes, honey, remember 
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, "but what 
is growing in your butt?"