For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
Then the stronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what happens to cheese when you leave it out.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: I would not live forever, because we should
not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then
we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I
would not live forever.
 -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest 
 

   My wife claims her car is so old,
   that the fenders aren't dented -- they're wrinkled ! 

"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line
up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest.
What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"

                                     - Warren  Hutcherson