All I got for Christmas was a sweater...
I would have prefered a screamer or a moaner. 

"Whenever someone asks me what two plus two equals, I just
shake my head and laugh at them for asking such a dumb question,
even though I really don't know the answer. What gullible fools." 

    - Will Gillespie 

"Sometimes when I'm sitting in my car at a stop light,
I imagine myself as Luke Skywalker, and I close my eyes
and concentrate on using The Force. Sometimes I have to
concentrate longer than others, but I know it works,
'cause the light always turns green." 

     - Troy Peterson 

"Satan is my sad... pathetic... knob."
                        -- Alasdair McLellan

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.  I think I've
forgotten this before.