I look just like the girl next door... if you happen to live next door to 
an amusement park. 

                                          - Dolly Parton

For the love of the Lord God, give us a pair of slave women as
alms, because we are spending the pittance we have entirely on hired
girls.
        --An abbess to the queen of Portugal, 1500s

"Every cloud has a silver up the creek without a paddle horse."
                        -- A bunch of people, via Jason B. Standing, Esq.

Since light travels faster than sound, people
appear bright until you hear them speak.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.