a) "Isn't the weather dreadful!"
b) "No, thanks."
c) "A beer, Charlie. Make it a cold one."
d) "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that _your_ child? Please, have her back.
   Good day! I beg your...? Fuck you too, Madam."
e) "Ateh! Malkuth! Ve Gevurah! Ve Gedulah! Le Olahm!!"
f) "Please come back, little person! I only playing! Ha! Caught
   you! Oh. You leaking, person! Wake up! Why you all go sleep?
   No fun! You people so boring!"
                        -- The Weirdness Test,
                        http://www.math.grin.edu/~hamilton/text/weirdness.txt

"... standing in my yard, where they tore down the garage, to make room for
 the torn down garage..."
                        -- They Might Be Giants, "A Self called Nowhere"

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. 

     - Henny Youngman 

Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it's a predicament
 
             --George Santayana

"If it weren't for pickpockets, I'd have no sex life at all."

                                             -- Rodney Dangerfield