"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her
out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they
weren't trying to teach you how to swim."

                                     - Paula Poundstone

Happiness is a positive cash flow. 

"I guess you could say that Linux is an international treasure."
"Wow, just like Shirley Temple!  I wonder how the penguin would look
 in pink taffeta."

-- Rex Ballard, Jordan K. Hubbard in
comp.unix.bsd.freebsd.misc among others

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of
others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

    -- Douglas Adams, Last Chance to See

"10 ways to stop users mistaking you for a normal person (4): When booting a
 workstation, shout out all console output 1/2 a second before it appears.
 Do this with your eyes closed and fists clenched."

-- Steve Mitchell in alt.sysadmin.recovery