There was an old harlot of Wick
Who was sucking a coal miner's prick
She said, "I don't mind
The coal dust and grime,
But the smell of your balls makes me sick."

There was a young fellow of Mayence,
Who fucked his own ass - in defiance
Not only of custom
And morals, dad bust him,
But most of the known laws of science.

There was an old maid from Bruton 
               Who had the bad habit of pootin'. 
                    Her sphincter was weak, 
                    Her wind she couldn't keep--- 
               This tootin' old spinster from Bruton. 

There was a young man from Montrose 
               Who could diddle himself with his toes. 
                    He did it so neat 
                    He fell in love with his feet, 
               And christened them Myrtle and Rose

Have you heard of young Franchot Tone 
               Who felt of his own peculiar bone? 
                    It was long and quite narrow 
                    And filled full of marrow, 
               And less edible than stale corn pone.