An erotic neurotic named Syd
               Got his Ego confused with his Id. 
                    His errant libido 
                    Was like a torpedo, 
               And that's why he done what he did. 

                       Vendor's 12 Days of Christmas
     
   
On the 12th day of Christmas my vendor gave to me:

        12 days to set up
        11 acronyms
        10 more megahertz
        9 brand new standards
        8 more megs of RAM
        7 minor upgrades
        6 hidden features
        5 tons of docs
        4 new API's
        3 more months of waiting
        2 more SCSI drives

And a bug fix for Windows NT.

(c) 1993 The Bill Gates of Hell Society
  

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. 
Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing".
After casting about for a suitable pearl, 
He kept messing around and created a girl. 
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender, 
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender. 
Two lovely hips to increase his desire, 
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire. 
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud, 
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud. 
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you, 
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you. 
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder, 
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder. 
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing. 
Then he added a mouth... 
  
Ruined the whole fucking thing.

There was a young girl named Maxine 
            Who found a new use for the bean. 
                As a vaginal bearing 
                She found it long-wearing, 
            And it varied her fucking routine.

               There was a young man from Hong Kong 
               Who had a trifurcated prong: 
                    A small one for sucking, 
                    A large one for fucking, 
               And a honey for beating a gong.