There was a young fellow named Biddle 
               Whose girl had to teach him to diddle. 
                    She grabbed hold of his bow 
                    And said, "If you want to know, 
               You can try parting my hair in the middle." 

"At a seance," said a young man named Post, 
            "I was being sucked off by a ghost; 
                Someone switched on the lights 
                And there in guaze tights, 
            On his knees, was Tobias mine host."

There was a young girl from Sofire.
               Who succumbed to her lover's desire. 
                    She said, "It's a sin, 
                    But now that it's in, 
               Could you shove it a few inches higher?" 

My Very First Time



                        The sky was dark
                        The moon was high
                        All alone just she and I
                        Her hair was soft
                        Her eyes were blue
                        I knew just what
                        She wanted to do
                        Her skin so soft
                        Her legs so fine
                        I ran my fingers
                        Down her spine
                        I didn't know how
                        But I tried my best
                        I started by placing
                        My hands on her breast
                        I remember my fear
                        My fast beating heart
                        But slowly she spread
                        Her legs apart
                        And when I did it
                        I felt no shame
                        All at once
                        The white stuff came
                        At last it's finished
                        It's all over now
                        My first time ever
                        At milking a cow.....

There was an announcer named Herschel 
               Whose habits became controversial, 
                    Because when out wooing 
                    Whatever he was doing 
               At ten he'd insert his commercial.