Boy: Those clothes are very becoming on you!
Girl: Why thank you!
Boy: Of course, if I was on you...I would becoming too!

   Two lesbians were standing at a bar drinking when another girl waved
   from across the bar.
   "Who is that babe?" one said to the other. "I'd sure like to get her
   spread out on my
   sheets." "No you wouldn't," said the other. "She's hung like a
   doughnut."
   

What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer

Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of their
decisions.

Back in the '70s, days of conspicuous (ahem) consumption, Hugh Hefner was 
showing a friend around the Playboy Mansion. At one point, Hefner turned 
to his friend, and said, "Did you ever hear this joke? A woman receives 
flowers from her boyfriend. She turns to her friend, and says, `Oh, great. 
Now I'll have to spend the whole weekend with my legs in the air.' `Why?' 
says her friend. `Don't you have a vase?'" 

They laugh, and then Hefner opens a door with a flourish. Inside, women 
are reclining on couches, naked as jaybirds, with flowers protruding from 
their vaginas. Hefner and his friend have another laugh and are flirting 
with the girls when suddenly, from the next room, there is a bloodcurdling 
shriek!

"What was that?" starts Hefner's friend. 

"Oh, probably just the umbrella stand..."