Two guys go hunting.  Jerry has never gone hunting while Joe has
hunted all his life.

When they get to the northern Wisconsin woods, Joe tells Jerry to
sit by a tree and not make a sound while Joe checks out a deer stand. 
After he gets about a quarter of a mile away, Joe hears a
blood-curdling scream.

He rushes back to Jerry and yells, "I thought I told you to be
quiet!"

Jerry says, "Hey, I tried. I really did.  When those snakes crawled
over me, I didn't make a sound.  When that bear was breathing down
my neck, I didn't make a peep. But when those two chipmunks crawled
up my pants leg and said, 'Should we take them with us or eat them
here?' I couldn't keep quiet any more!"

Here's a silly one....

Why did the skeleton burp?

Because it didn't have the guts to fart.

I just pulled one on somebody -- I slipped some of those anti-
shoplifting strips into the lining of the victim's favorite
jacket.  I was set to pull another one, but didn't get the chance
- to cut out a silhouette of a gun from metal and hide it in a
piece of carry-on luggage.

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at 
low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions 
to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the 
anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer." 
The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith.  

Two young girls were talking about their sex lives when the first girl 
says, "Oh my god! , it was really great, but I was Sooo scared after his 
rubber broke.
I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened." Says her intrigued friend.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get the 
last little piece of it out with dental floss."