Johnny missed his final exam due to the flu, but he'd done so well
during the year that the teacher suggests to the principal they give
him an oral exam to make up for the test he'd missed. The principal
agrees so they called Johnny into the office and explain about the
oral test.

First the teacher asks, "Johnny what does a cow have four of, that I
only have two of?"

Johnny replies, "Legs."

So the teacher asks, "Johnny, what do you have in your pants that I
don't have in my pants?"

"Pockets," Johnny replies.

Finally the teacher asks, "And Johnny, what is the capital of Italy?"

"Rome," is his answer.

With that the teacher turns to the principal and asks,
"Well, shall we pass him?"

"Better not ask me," the principal says, "I got the first two wrong!" 

What's the worst thing about having to kiss Grandma?
When the damn coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on 
the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. 
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.

The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. "Grandpa,
what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?" he
asked again.

The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well, last week I sat out here
with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma's idea!"

What's a transvestite's idea of a good time? 

Eat, drink, and be Mary!

Why do gay men have moustaches? 

     To hide the stretchmarks.