Two nuns go to a restaurant to have dinner. They notice Rocky
Mountain Oysters on the menu and wondered what that was.
They ask the waiter who replies "Oh Sister, those are nuts." 
She answers "Do you mean like the kind you crack with a rock?"
"No. The kind you rock on a crack." 

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife
one Friday evening and read's: Dear Wife (that's what
he called her) I am 54 and by the time you receive this
letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year old secretary. When he arrived at the
hotel there was a letter waiting for him as follows:
Dear Husband (that's what she called him) I too am 54
and by the time you receive this letter I will be at
the Hilton Hotel with my handsome and virile 18 year
old toy boy. You being an accountant will therefore 
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many many more times
than 54 goes into 18!!!! 

How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating.

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by 
herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the 
dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, 
"You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"
The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the 
compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?"
"Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy 
replied.

A well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab and 
asked to be taken to LaGuardia.  While stuck in the traffic jam,
the businessman leaned forward and said, "How's your spirit of
adventure?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I have to be in Chicago for a meeting, but the thought of
flying there just bores me to tears.  Why not drive me there?
The meeting is only an hour.  I'll pay the gas, tolls, your hotel
room, meals, and then you can drive me back tomorrow."
The driver said, "Sure, why not?"  and off they went.  
They motored through Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana,
and finally into Chicago.  The businessman did his meeting
(while the cabbie waited) came out, got back into the cab 
and they took off to the hotel.  They shared a huge meal, the
businessman paid for two rooms.  The next morning, they 
took off back towards Manhattan.  When they arrived, the 
meter read $4,632.85.
When they got back to the businessman's office, the man
told the cabbie, "Let me go in the bank here and I'll get you
a certified check.  I'll make it for $5000 so you'll get a sizable
tip for your trouble."
"Great," the cab driver said, "Thanks."
"One last thing.  When I give you the check, I'd like you to 
drive me home, please."
"Where's that?"
"Brooklyn."
"No way!!!  I'd have to drive back over the bridge without a 
passenger!"