Definition of Outdoor Barbecuing
 ---------------------------------

 It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man
 volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is
 put into motion.

 (1) The woman goes to the store.
 (2) The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
 (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on
     a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it
     to the man, who is lounging beside the grill.
 (4) The man places the meat on the grill.
 (5) The woman goes inside to set the table and check
     the vegetables.
 (6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is
     burning.
 (7) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the
     woman.
 (8) The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the
     table.
 (9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the
     dishes.
 (10) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night
     off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that
     there's just no pleasing some women.

A couple, age 67, went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "What can
I do for you?"

The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor
said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." And he
then charged them $32.00.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment,
have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just what exactly are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married
and we can't go to her house. I am married and we can't go to my house.
The Holiday Inn charges $60.00 and the Hilton charges $75.00. We do it here
for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's
office."

A well dressed gentlemen enters the bar of a five star restaurant, sits at 
the bar and orders four very expensive drinks. The bartender serves them 
on a silver tray, setting all four in front of the patron. The man then 
consumes all four drinks in a matter of seconds. The bartender comments, 
"Wow, you sure must have a problem." "If you had what I had," the man 
replies, "you'd drink them fast, too." Leaning over, the sympathetic 
bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Fifty cents," the man answers.

An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have 
a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them 
the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, show's her 
the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull
down your pants, and see if you can get disability!" 

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.