Waiter: "How did you find your steak, sir,"? 
Young Man: "Quite accidentally, I assure you. 
I moved that piece of lettuce and there it was." 

A Duck walks into a bar. 

Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread
[After a few minutes]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: Look, we don't have any bread
[In a little while]
Duck: You got any bread?
Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread!
[Some time later]
Duck: Got any bread?
Barman: If you ask me if I've got any 
F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail 
your F*****g bill to this bar.
.....
............
Duck: You got any nails?
Barman: NO!
Duck: You got any bread?  

Sent by Duncan

Definition of Programmer



Programmer:

A person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after 
innumberable poundings, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with 
micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures from inconclusive 
documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious 
reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding 
a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information 
in the first place. 

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A: A quarter-pounder with cheese.

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car?

                         Neither has he.