A college professor's going to bed with his wife. He's not that tired, so 
he's gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep. So he's reading, 
and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun 
spot... "Kitza kitza..."
She says, "Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and 
teasing me like that?"
He says, "I'm not teasing you. I'm wetting my fingers so I can turn the 
page." 

You know why there's a string on a tampon? So the crabs can bungee jump.

Mr. Horntoot admitted to his wife that he was feeling much
better since his operation, but couldn't account for the
enormous bump on the back of his head.
"Oh, that," chuckled Mrs. Horntoot. "Just before your
operation they suddenly ran out of ether!" 

What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath? 

     Throw in your laundry. 

   What are the five reasons for not wanting to be an egg ?
   1) You only get laid once.
   2) You only get eaten once.
   3) It takes you seven min. to get hard in boiling water.
   4) You have to come in a box with 11 other guys.
   5) The only one that ever sits on your face is your mother.