One day a little boy over heard his parents in the bedrooom arguing,
"You bitch, your cunt is too hairy! Whell your dick is to small bastard!"
The boy was curious about these new words so he went in the room and 
asked what they meant.  The startled parents did their best to get out of 
the situation, "You see son, bitch and bastard are what adults call each 
other sometimes and dick and cunt is a nickname we gave our coats." The boy
shrugged his shoulders and went off to play.  Later that day the boy was 
watching his dad shave.  Suddenly his dad blurted out, "Shit" when he cut
himself.  The boy asked, "dad what does that mean?" and his dad cleverly 
replied, "That's the brand of shaving cream I'm using."  So the boy wandered 
into the kitchen where his mom was preparing a turkey for company that 
evening.  As he was watching, his mom burned herself on the stove and 
blurted out "Fuck".  Again the boy asked the meaning and the frustrated 
mother snapped at him, "It's french for cooking now go awnser the door! The
company is already here!"  So the boy went, oopened the door, and put his 
new vocabulary to use, "Hello bitches and bastards, you can hang your cunts
and dicks in the closet.  My dad is still in the bathroom putting shit on 
his face and my mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey." 

A woman recently lost her husband.  She had him cremated and brought his
ashes home.  Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on
the counter.
Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes,
she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"
She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that
BlowJob I promised you?  Here it comes..."

 year old man comes to his doctor looking depressed.
He says "Doc, I think I'm impotent." Doctor sits him
down and begins the standard speech he gives to senior
citizens, about how as the body ages bodily functions
slow down and it is completely normal to suffer some
decrease in sexual desire. How the man shouldn't worry
or become upset about it, but should just relax and
things will probably be completely fine and
blah blah blah. Finally the doctor asks "When
did you first begin to think you were impotent?"

"Three times last night, and again this morning." 

Interesting things about Monica Lewinsky: 
- Nobody would know about her if it weren't for Bill 
- She sucks 
- She blows 
- She's bloated 
- She's the focus of a huge legal battle 
- She'll go down in a heartbeat 
Who does she think she is, Microsoft Windows?

"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was 
down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
"Did he get anything." his mates asked.
"yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. 
The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."