A hopeful suitor dropped into a computer-dating center and
registered his qualifications. He wanted someone who enjoyed
water sports, liked company, favored formal attire, and was
very small. The computer operated faultlessly. It sent him a
penguin. 

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate
her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first
student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of
the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy
instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home early."

The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you,
but.." Before she could finish the quote, another young lady belts
out, "John F. Kennedy!"

"Very good," says the teacher, "you may go also."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny
said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know
who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill
Clinton. I'll see you Monday."

A huge guy marries a tiny girl, and at the wedding, one of his 
friends says to him, "How the hell do the two of you have sex?"

The big guy says, "I just sit there, naked, on a chair, she sits 
on top, and I bob her up and down."

His friend says, "You know, that don't sound too bad."

The big guy says, "Well, it's kind of like jerking off, only I got 
somebody to talk to."

The FBI finally came back with the DNA results.

Clinton was a perfect match.
So was all of Arkansas. 

   Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days
   who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce,
   they keep the house.