Why do Black widow spiders kill there mates after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts..

What do you get when you cross an Iraqi and a dog?

An Iraqi.

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because 
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and 
asks for his opinion on this question.

After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an 
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is 
therefore not permitted on Sundays."

The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he 
goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and 
experienced in this matter. 

He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is 
work and therefore not for the Sabbath!

Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: 
a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other 
words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, 
then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."

The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so 
many others tell me sex is work?"

The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have 
the maid do it."

Q: Why do women wear tampoons when they skydive?
A: So they don't whistle on the way down.

These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is
barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is
looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on
someone's front lawn.

"Look", he shouts "What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?"
The passenger, being a man of the world, replies "They are having sex.
Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?"

The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex
doggie style. So the passenger says, "You have to try it. Its pretty
cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife
a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual
position."

The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a
try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the
passenger asks, "Well, how did it go?" To which the driver replies, "It was
great.
But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn."