A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla
sitting on a barstool.

The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was
doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He
took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head
with it. The animal instantly dropped down and
gave the bartender blow job.

The Bartender then asked the man if he would like
to try it.

The man said "Sure, but please don't hit me quite
so hard". 

Q: Why do female parachutists wear tampons? 
A: So they don't whistle on the way down...

This is so cool.
Read this sentence:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS.

Now count ALOUD the F's in that sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE: do not go 
back and count them again. See below...

ANSWER:

There are six F's in the sentence. One of average intelligence finds three 
of them. If you spotted four, you're above average. If you got five, you 
can turn your nose at most anybody. If you caught six, you are a genius.  
There is no catch.  Many people forget the "OF"'s.  The human brain tends 
to see them as V's and not F's. Pretty weird, huh?  It fools almost 
everybody.

Robert

   Ventriloquist: Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?
   Farmer: This dog don't talk!
   Ventriloquist: Hey dog, how's it going?
   Dog: Doin alright
   Farmer: (Extreme look of shock)
   Ventriloquist: Is this your owner? (pointing at farmer)
   Dog: Yep.
   Ventriloquist: How's he treat you?
   Dog: Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and
   takes me to the lake once a week to play.
   Farmer: (Look of disbelief)
   Ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your horse?
   Farmer: Horses don't talk!
   Ventriloquist: Hey horse, how's it goin?
   Horse: Cool.
   Farmer: (an even wilder look of shock)
   Ventriloquist: Is this your owner? (pointing at farmer)
   Horse: Yep.
   Ventriloquist: How's he treat you?
   Horse: Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes
   me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the
   elements.
   Farmer: (total look of amazement)
   Ventriloquist: Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?
   Farmer: (gesticulating wildly, and hardly able to talk)...... Them
   sheep ain't nothin but liars!!!
   

You know what that little red dot means in the middle of an Indian woman's forehead? 
............................"Coffee's ready."