A mother in Pittsburgh tells of having dinner with her little son and
daughter.  It had been a long, trying day at home, and her husband was
still at the office.  Both children were fussy and didn't want to eat,
and her patience had reached it's limit.  She looked up and sighed, "Oh,
God, help me with these children."  Immediately her four-year-old
daughter bowed her head and was silent.  The mother was delighted,
thinking the girl was asking God to help her be good.  But then the girl
looked up at her and said, "I just asked Him not to help you."

from "Faith, Hope and Hilarity:  The Child's Eye View
of Religion" by Dick Van Dyke

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho 
Falls Science Fair, April 26. He was attempting to show how conditioned we 
have become to the alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of 
everything in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a 
petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the 
chemical "dihydrogen monoxide." 

And for plenty of good reasons, since it can: 

1. cause excessive sweating and vomiting 
2. it is a major component in acid rain 
3. it can cause severe burns in its gaseous state 
4. accidental inhalation can kill you 
5. it contributes to erosion 
6. it decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes 
7. it has been found in tumors of terminal cancer patients 

He asked 50 people if they supported a ban of the chemical dihydrogen 
monoxide. Forty-three said yes, six were undecided, and only one knew
that the chemical was...water. 

The title of his prize winning project was, "How Gullible Are We?" The 
conclusion is obvious.

IDIOTS AT WORK

I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card.  She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed.  When I asked why, she
explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the
credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.
So I signed the credit card in front of her.  She carefully
compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt.
As luck would have it, they matched.