"Television is a medium.
 Proof:
        a) Television is not rare.
        b) Television is not well done.
 QED"
                        -- Robert Bonomi

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've
       wondered where this started, and I think it goes back to the time
       I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

Children in back seats cause accidents.
Accidents in back seats cause children.

* Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is
       over, the strings are attached.

You know you're getting old when you can't tell
the difference between a heart attack and an orgasm.