I have the world's largest collection of seashells.  I keep it on all the
beaches of the world...  Perhaps you've seen it.

When I was a kid, my favourite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school 
we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in awhile he would eat one 
of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. 

-- Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe 

"I have come here to chew bubblegum, and kick ass... and I'm all out of
 bubblegum."
                        -- Nada, "They Live"

Men are like a fine wine.  They all start out like
grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they
mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner.

I plugged my phone in where the blender used to be.  I called someone.  They
went "Aaaaahhhh..."