"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts
as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet." 

Oliver Herford. 

He is so polite, he wouldn't open an oyster without
knocking on the shell first.

"More than 25,000 dedicated gun lovers from across Northern Idaho flocked to
 the Coeur d'Alene Convention Center for the two-day event, happily
 sublimating homosexual impulses amid a carefully maintained facade of
 platonic camaraderie."

-- "Homoerotic Overtones Enliven NRA Meeting"
from The Onion, http://www.theonion.com

Modern parents believe toilet training should be an easy and
casual affair.  Just let the child s*%# all over everything.  This
prepares him or her for a brilliant career as a talk show host.

                                                        --P.J. O'Rouke

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.