The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies
                                      
               (Sing to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies)
     
   
Here's a little story of a man named John
a poor ex-marine (with a little fraction gone).
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife.
She lopped of his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
        (Penis that is)
        (Rodeoed. Fillet-io-ed)

Well the next thing you know there's a Ginsu by his side,
and Lorena's in the car takin Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend,
so she tossed him out the window as she rounded out a bend.
        (Curve that is)
        (Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
and they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffed and they barked, then they pointed "over there"
To John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air.
        (Found that is)
        (By a fence, evidence)

Now peter and John couldn't stay apart too long,
So a dick-doc said "Hey! I can fix your dong."
"A needle and a thread's just the thing you're gonna need."
Then the world held it's breath 'till they heard that Johnny peed.
        (Wizzed that is)
        (Stitched seam, straight stream)

Well he healed and he hardened, and he took his case to court,
With a cock-eyed lawyer (since his assets came up short)
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only one they didn't show on tape!
        (Video that is)
        (Unexposed, case closed)
  

There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a fucking machine:
Both concave and convex,
It would fit either sex -
And could play with itself in between.

The Dr. Seuss Purity Test



             Have you done it on a boat?
             Have you done it with a goat?


             Have you done it in a bed?
             Have you done it with the dead?


             Have you done it in the ass?
             Have you done it, high on grass?


             Have you done it in the car?
             Have you simply gone too far?


             Have you done it on the beach?
             Have you done it with the teach?


             Have you done it on your back?
             Have you done it strapped to a rack?


             Have you done it in a box?
             Have you done it with a fox?


             Have you done it in a tree?
             Have you done it with more than three?


             Have you done it in the rain?
             Have you done it for the pain?


             Have you done it 'tween the tits?
             Have you done it wearing mitts?


             Have you done it packed in rubber?
             Have you done it undercover?


             Have you done it on a perch?
             Have you done it in a church?


             Have you done it with a virgin?
             Have you done it with a sturgeon?


             Have you done it with ropes and chains?
             Have you done it while insane?


             Have you done it on the stage?
             Have you done it underage?


             Have you done it with all your friends?
             Have you done it in both ends?


             Have you done it with your dog?
             Have you done it on a log?


             Have you done it under clamps?
             Have you done it with the lamps?


             Have you done it without style?
             Have you done it up a mile?


             Have you done it for all to see?
             Have you ever had VD?


             Have you done it on Mother's couch?
             Have you done it in your mouth?


             Have you done it while on tape?
             Have you done it out of shape?


             Have you done it on live TV?
             Have you done it whilst you pee?


             Have you done it in the gym?
             Have you done it on a whim?


             Have you done it on a dare?
             Do you really think we care?


             Answer these and count your "no"s,
             pray this number never grows.
             Fifty questions we asked thee,
             score times two is thy Purity.

                    There was a young girl named Maxine
                            
                    Whose vagina was wondrously clean:
                            With her uterus packed
                            She kept safe from attack
                            
                    With a dill pickle, papulous, green.
                            

Hey!! This isn't a joke but it's a poem:

Kissing is a habit,
Fucking is a game.
Boys get all the pleasure,
Girls get all the pain.

He says that he loves you,
And you believe it's true,
But when your stomach starts to swell,
He says to hell with you.

15 minutes of pleasure,
9 months of pain,
3 days in the hospital,
A baby with no name.

The baby is a bastard,
The mother is a whore.
It never would have happened,
If the rubber hadn't tore.

Thanks

Sent by Zoe_112