One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother 
was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off 
the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, 
will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave 
him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep 
in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice 
saying, "The big sissy."

If Apple made toasters...
It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years
earlier. The toast would make a little smiley face at you when
it popped up, or else it would get stuck and there would be a
little picture of a bomb burned onto it. If they break, these
toasters would require a special set of MacToaster Tools to
even open up. Worldwide market share would only be 5%, but all
the bread in school lunches would be exclusively toasted on
the MacToaster.

What does a Jewish American Princess make for dinner? 

    Reservations. 

This snow plow driver from North Dakota got married. He and his new
   Bride prepared for their wedding nite. He watched for a while as she
   spread three different kinds of creams and then a white foam in
   preparation for their love making. She finally announced that she was
   ready. The man then asked if she still had that string of pearls
   necklace that he admired so much.
   
   She replied, "Well, yes darling, I do. But what in the world would you
   need it for at a time like this ?
   
   He looked again at all her "preparations" and replied, "Ain't no way
   I'm gonna try to go into a mess like that without chains."

Q: Mom! Can I lick the bowl? Please!
A: Shut up and flush!