Father, mother and son decide to go to the zoo one day. So
they set off and are seeing lots of animals. Eventually they
end up opposite the elephant house. The boy looks at the
elephant, sees its willy, points to it and says, "Mummy, what
is that long thing?" 
His mother replies, "That, son, is the elephant's trunk." 
"No, at the other end."
"That, son is the tail." 
"No, mummy, the thing under the elephant." 
A short embarrassed silence after which she replies,
"That's nothing." 
The mother goes to buy some ice-cream and the boy, not being
satisfied with her answer, asks his father the same question.
"Daddy, what is that long thing?" 
"That's the trunk, son," replies the father.
"No at the other end." 
"Oh, that is the tail." 
"No, no daddy, the thing below," asks the son in desperation. 
"That is the elephants penis. Why do you ask son?" 
"Well mummy said it was nothing," says the boy. 
Replies the father: "I tell you, I spoil that woman ..." 

My girlfriend told me to give her 12 inches and make it
hurt!..................

So I Fucked her 3 times and then hit her with a baseball bat.

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as part 
of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land mines, 
the captain asked for questions.
     
Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do happen 
to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
     
"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air 
and scatter oneself over a wide area."

The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last
test has left his system upset.  Upon making several false alarms to the
bathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bed
up with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possibly
face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed
sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.  A drunk was walking by
the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing
and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard.
The security guard ask:
"What's going on?" To which the drunk replied: "I just beat the shit out
of a ghost."

What's the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?

Let everyone go first!