Q: What two things in the air can get a woman pregnant?
A: Her legs!

There are three truths in life:

1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah....

2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the
   leader of the Christian faith.....

3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.

A kindergartner was practicing spelling with magnetic letters on the 
refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom had been proudly displayed for all to 
see. One morning while getting ready for the day, he bounded into the room 
with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-
D. 
"Look what I spelled, Mom!" with a proud smile on his face. 
"That's wonderful!" his mom praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so 
Dad can see when he gets home tonight." 
The mom happily thought that her son's Catholic education was certainly 
having an impact. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen: "Mom? 
How do you spell 'zilla'?"

Q: Why is Bill Clinton happy he named his dog "Buddy?"

A: Because it's a BAD TIME to be yelling "come Spot!" in the Whitehouse.

Why don't women wear dresses in the winter? 

     - Chapped lips.