Some women are gathered and the subject of conversation 
turns to sex and then birth control. The first woman says 
"We're Catholic so we can't use it."

The next woman says "I am too but we use the rhythm 
method."

The third woman says "We use the bucket and saucer 
method."

"What the heck is the bucket and saucer method?", the others 
ask.

"Well, I'm five foot eleven... and my husband is five foot two. We 
make love standing up with him standing on a bucket, and 
when his eyes get big as saucers I kick the bucket out from 
under him."

Dictionary of Musical Terms



JAZZ        :  Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.
BLUES       :  Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.
WORLD MUSIC :  A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.
OPERA       :  People singing when they should be talking.
RAP         :  People talking when they should be singing.
CLASSICAL   :  Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.
FOLK        :  Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.
BIG BAND    :  20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.
HEAVY METAL :  Codpiece and chaps
HOUSE MUSIC :  OK as long as it's not the house next door.

What's brown and has holes in it?

     - Swiss Shit. 

I was shopping at our local supermarket.
When I got to the checkout line, there was a beautiful young blonde ahead of
me.
As she placed her groceries on the checkout stand, the bagger asked her,
"Paper or plastic?"
"It doesn't matter," she replied, "I'm bisacksual."

A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if
there is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comes
back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. 

"Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."