A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is 
using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he 
finally says "OK,, just grip it like you do your husband's member".
After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the 
line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the 
racquet out of your mouth." 

What's sicker than sick?

masturbating with your grandma's ashes under your foreskin....

   Amy, a city girl, marries a farmer.
   
   One morning, before he goes out to the fields, the farmer says to her,
   "The artificial insemination man is coming to impregnate one of our
   cows today. I drove a big nail into the two-by-four over the cow's
   stall. You show him where it is."
   
   The farmer leaves, and a while later, the artificial insemination man
   arrives. Amy takes him down the rows of cows until she sees the nail.
   
   She says, "This is the one, right here."
   
   The man says, "How do you know?"
   
   Amy says, "By the nail over its stall."
   
   The man says, "What's the nail for?"
   
   Amy says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."
   

A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of
draining and a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the
examination, the doctor initiated a conversation that went
as follows:

D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear.
L: ?eh?
D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR!
L: ??EH??
D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! -- A SUPPOSITORY!!!
L: Oh, thank Goodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid....

What's a Jewish American Princess's idea of kinky sex?

     She moves.