Drive carefully. 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the 
best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. 
He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. 
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They 
question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive 
investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, 
killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no 
apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit! 

A man goes into the doctor's office feeling really bad. After a thorough 
examination the doctor calls him into his office and says "I have some bad 
news. You have HAGS." "What is HAGS" the man asks. "It's herpes, AIDS,
gonorrhea, and syphilis" says the doctor. "Oh my God" says the man. "What 
are you going to do?"
"We are going to put you in an isolated room and feed you pancakes and 
pizza." "Is that going to help me" says the man. "No" says the doctor. 
"But it's the only food we can think of that we can slide under the door"

It's so easy to milk a cow. Any jerk can do it.

An Indian gentleman on his first visit to the USA visited the foreign
exchange to exchange some Rupees. He handed to the cashier 100,000Rps
and after a quick calculation on the calculator, was given $50.45 with
a typical "service" smile and "Have a nice day!"

The Indian promptly spent this and returned the next day with another
wad of Rupees. He handed the same cashier 100,000Rps and put his hand
out for his $50.45, instead he received $48.78.

He questiond bitterly Ooh! vy less !!??" Whereupon the cashier replied
"Fluctuations!"

He screamed back "FLUCK YOU AMERICANS, TOO!" I'm going back to Delhi!!!