There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa.
   It suddenly had a malfunction and went down. A few weeks later,
   PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the
   wreckage but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area
   and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe
   and asked him if he knew anything about the crash. The Chief says,
   "Yeah". When asked where the crew was the Chief replied, "We ate the
   crew and drank the Pepsi." The Rescue crew was shocked. One man asked,
   "Did you eat their legs?" The chief replied, "We ate their legs and we
   drank the Pepsi." Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?" The
   Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi". After looking
   totally perplexed for a minute a third added, "Did you...you
   know...eat
   their....things"?? The chief says, "No." "No?" asked the rescuers.
   "NO", replied the Chief, " THINGS go better with COKE!!!"

In America the late night news used to broadcast this message:
"It's 11 o'clock do you know where your children are?
In England they say
"Its 11 o'clock do you know where your wife is?
In France they say "It's 11o'clock do you know where your husband is?"
In Poland they say Its 11 o'clock do you know what time it is?"

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."

The Company Commander and the 1st Sgt, were in the field. 
As they hit the sack for the night, the 1SG said: "Sir, look up 
into the sky and tell me what you see." 

The CO said "I see millions of stars." 

1st Sgt.: "And what does that tell you, sir?" 

CO: Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of 
galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells 
me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. 
Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day 
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Top?" 

1st Sgt.: "Well sir, it tells me that somebody stole our tent." 

The following is an ad from a real-life newspaper which
   appeared four days in a row - the last three hopelessly trying to
   correct the first day's mistake.
   MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone
   948-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
   TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It
   should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 948-0707
   and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M."
   WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received
   several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the
   classified ad yesterday. The ad stands corrected as follows: "For sale
   R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 948-0707
   after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him."
   THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I
   smashed it. Don't call 948-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected.
   I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was
   my housekeeper but she quit!