LONGEST TURD

The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a
'staggering turd' over a period of 2 hr 12 mins which was officially
measured at 12 ft 2 in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his
state.

Doc and his wife were splitting up the debts and assets. The
main asset, of course, was the house.  My ex's truly serious
suggestion:  "Since the house payment is a little more than
the credit card payments, I'll do you a favor and take the
house and the house payment and you can take the credit card
debt."

Ukraine man crashes car as 50 pagers ring at once

January 14, 1999

KIEV, Ukraine (Reuters) -- A Ukraine businessman who bought a pager for
each member of his staff as a New Year gift was so alarmed when all 50 of
them went off at the same time that he drove his car into a lamp post, a
newspaper said on Thursday.

The unnamed businessman was returning from the pager shop when the accident
happened, the Fakty daily reported.

"With no more than 100 meters to go to the office, the 50 pagers on the
back seat suddenly burst out screeching. The businessman's fright was such
that he simply let go of the steering wheel and the the car ploughed into a
lamp post."

After he had assessed the damage to the car, the businessman turned his
attention to the message on the 50 pagers. It read: "Congratulations on a
successful purchase!