"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money
I could have invaded some country."

Clint Eastwood.

I went to the cinema, and the prices were:  Adults $5.00, children $2.50.  So I
said, "Give me two boys and a girl."

* Marriage certificate is just another name for a work permit.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music,
no choreography and the dancers hit each other. 

     - J. Handy 

I gave my wife a new watch for her birthday . . . waterproof,
shockproof, unbreakable and anti-magnetic. Absolutely nothing
could happen to it. She lost it. 

     -Joey Adams