An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and
deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head. 

"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." 

"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

What do you call a truckload of vibrators? 

    -Toys for Twats. 

Two cab drivers met.
"Hey," asked one, "what's the idea of painting one side of your cab red 
and the other side blue?"
"Well," the other responded, "when I get into an accident, you should see 
how all the witnesses contradict each other."

How to Hunt Elephants -- Senior Manager Style

Senior managers set broad elephant hunting policy based on
the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but
with deeper voices.
 
Sent by Alex

What's the difference between condoms and coffins?

They both hold something stiff but one's coming and
one's going!