Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry humor.  He
surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was brought to him
after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and stitching, he
returned the dog to its owner, who asked what she owed.

"Fifteen dollars, Ma'am," he answered.

"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed.  "That's what's wrong with
you Maine people, you're always trying to over charge summer visitors.
Whatever do you do in the winter, when we're not being gypped here?"

"Raise porcupines, Ma'am."

A funeral service is being held in a church for a woman 
who has just passed away.  At the end of the service, the 
pall-bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally 
bump into a wall, jarring the casket.  They hear a faint moan.
They open the casket and find that the woman is actually 
still alive.  She lives for ten more years and then dies.
A ceremony is again held at the same church and at the 
end of the ceremony, the pall bearers are again carrying out
the casket.  As they are walking, the husband cries out, 
"WATCH OUT FOR THAT WALL!"

Q: Why is urine yellow and sperm white?

A: So men can tell if they are coming or going.

An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed
the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and
get prepared for an emergency landing.

A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if
everyone was buckled in and ready.

"All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except one
lawyer who is still going around passing out business cards."

Will sell for parts one F-117 Plane in wrecked condition. Self pick-up 
from Yugoslavia by buyer