Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to 
collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. 
"No, Johnny! Stop! That's horrible! You can't eat worms!" Trying to 
convince him further, "Now the mother worm is looking all over for her 
nice baby-worm."
"No, she isn't," said Johnny. "Why not?" "Because I ate her first!" 

   Little Johnny says to his mother " Mommy, I have to go and tinkle."
   The mother replies back " Would you like Mommy to take you?".
   Little Johnny says " No let grandma . . . her hand shakes! "
   

A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once
Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin 
with 'If Elected I promise...'"

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly 
started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the 
man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?" 
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that 
you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help 
practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy 
replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do ya see me fucking the guy in front of me?" 

Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars 
between them, but they had built up a computer business with 
sales in the millions. Their company employed over two 
hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes.

Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, 
former customers disappeared, and the business failed. Weill 
and Mahoney blamed each other for the troubles, and they 
parted on unfriendly terms. 

Five years later, Weill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped 
for a cup of coffee. As he was wiping some crumbs from the 
table, a waiter approached. Weill looked up and gasped.

"Mahoney!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing, 
seeing you working as a waiter in a place like this."

"Yeah," Mahoney said, curling his lip. "But I don't eat here."