Cop coming upon a young couple making out....
Cop: What the hell are you two doing?
Boy: We're necking.
Cop: Well stick your neck back in your pants and get out of here.

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford
a larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him
that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. 

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. 
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light 
it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. 

The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting 
a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." 

So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about 
to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. 
This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer
can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. 

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb 
and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. 
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and 
resumed counting on his other hand... 

Q.  How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A.  Two.  But I have no idea how they get in there.

An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made a
living. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $50,000.
The young man rushed into town, collected his money, then hurried back
home. He ran across the field, told his father the news, and handed the
older man a $50 bill.
The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, "Son, you know
I've always been careful with what little money we had. I didn't spend it
on whiskey or women. In fact, I couldn't even afford the license to 
legally marry your Ma."
"Pa!" the young man stammered, "do you know what that makes me?"
"Yep," said the old man fingering the $50, "... and a cheap one, too.

On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple
go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all
showered and wearing her beautiful robe. 
The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you
can open your robe." 
The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is
astonished. "Oh, oh, aaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you
are so beautiful, let me take your picture." 
Puzzled she asks, "my picture?" 
He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next
to my heart forever." 
She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into
the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the
new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." 
At that the man opens his robe and she exclaimes, "oh, oh, my,
let me get a picture." 
He beams and asks, "why?" 
She answers, "so I can get it enlarged!"