When a man takes off his pants in a hotel room,
what's the first thing to hang out?

The DO NOT DISTURB sign!

One day a blonde went into Wal-Mart and saw something she liked. 
The Blonde asked the clerk what it was.  The Clerk said it was a
thermous.  What does the thermous do?  It keeps hot things hot
and cold things cold. So she bought one. The blonde brought it to
work one day and the blondes boss who also is a blonde said what
is that thing? It is a thermous the first blonde said.  What does
it do? Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. What do you have
in it? I have coffee and a popcycle in it.

Sent by Tom

Understanding Your Paycheck



GROSS PAY: $1222.02

INCOME TAX      OUTGO TAX       STATE TAX       INTERSTATE TAX  COUNTY TAX
  244.40          45.21           61.10            5.89           6.11

CITY TAX        RURAL TAX       BACK TAX        FRONT TAX       SIDE TAX
  12.22           4.44            1.11            1.16            1.61

UP TAX          DOWN TAX        KNICKNACK TAX   HACKENSAC TAX   THUMBTAX
  2.22            1.11            1.98            3.93            0.98

CARPET TAX      SNACK TAX       SURTAX          MA'AM TAX       PARKING FEE
  0.69            8.32            3.46            3.46            5.00

NO PARKING FEE  F.I.C.A.        T.G.I.F.        LIFE INS.       HEALTH INS.
  10.00           81.88           9.95            5.85            16.23

DISABILITY INS. ABILITY INS.    LIABILITY INS.  DENTAL INS.     MENTAL INS.
  2.50            0.25            3.41            4.50            4.33

FUNDAMENTAL INS COFFEE          COFEE CUPS      CALENDAR RENTAL FLOOR RENTAL
  0.11            6.85          66.51              3.06           16.85

CHAIR RENTAL    DESK RENTAL     UNION DUES      UNION DON'TS    CASH ADVANCES
  4.32            4.32            5.85             3.77            0.69

CASH RETREATS   OVERTIME        UNDERTIME       EASTERN TIME    CENTRAL TIME
  121.35          1.26             54.83           9.00            8.00

MOUNTAIN TIME   PACIFIC TIME    DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME   TIME OUT
  7.00            6.00                 4.44               12.21

OXYGEN          WATER           ELECTRICITY     HEAT    AIR CONDITIONING
 10.02          16.54             38.23         51.42        46.83

MISC
169.24


TAKE HOME PAY: $0000.02

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a
lumberyard.  One of the blonde men walked in the office and
said, "We need some four-by-twos."

The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?"

The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck.
He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant
two-by-fours."

"All right. How long do you need them?"

The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go
check."

After a while, the customer returned to the office and said,
"A long time.  We're gonna build a house."

One night when you have a few friends around, take turns calling the
same phone number, a really obnoxious acquaintance that won't
recognize your voices is always a good choice.  When the person
answers, try to leave a message for John Smith (or any name that
sounds real). Insist that you have the right number and even read
their number to them. Have a bit of fun here, and stretch this on as
long as possible.  Repeat several times, once or twice an hour. Let
everybody have a turn at calling. Just as the party is breaking up,
call one last time.  Tell the poor soul answering the phone that you
are John Smith, and ask "Are there any messages for me?"  This is sure
to get a groan.