The barber was finishing a haircut on a customer one day
and started to apply some 'Aftershave Lotion' around his
ears when the customer yelled, "Don't put that crap on me!
My wife says it smells like a French Whorehouse!"

Another customer who was waiting replied, "Hey John, you
can put the 'Aftershave Lotion' on me... My wife has never
been in a French Whorehouse!" 

Then the fun began... 

Santa comes once a year - but when he does he fills your stocking!

   Two bananas are lying on a river bank when a turd comes floating by.
   The turd looks over and says, "Hey! Come on in! The water's fine!"
   One banana turns to the other banana and says, "Do you believe that
   shit?"
   

Mike and Keith are playing golf one hot Sunday afternoon.
   While approaching the sixteenth hole, they notice an old golfer teeing up 
   by himself. The two friends stop and wait for the older golfer to finish 
   his hole. After the old man drives the ball a considerable distance down 
   the fairway, he collapses on the green. Mike and Keith run up the fellow 
   to help. After feeling the old man's pulse, Mike tells Keith to run to the 
   club house and call 911.
   Keith leaves and returns about two minutes later after making the
   call. Upon returning Keith, sees the old man naked and bent over a nearby 
   bench. Meanwhile, Mike is screwing the unconscious man vigorously. Keith 
   in astonishment says, "Hey, What are you doing? I thought you were going to
   give him CPR." Mike replies, "Well, it started off that way."

Age        IDEAL DATE
        17         He offers to pay
        25         He pays
        35         He cooks breakfast the next morning
        48         He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
        66         He can chew breakfast