The Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the 
posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name.

She said, "I'm Mrs. Ladislav Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya 
from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in 
Columbia."

The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, 
"Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."

"Demi Moore's new movie about the first woman in the elite Navy
Seals still has no name," says Alex Kaseberg. "They decided not
to go with the title chosen by a test marketing group --
'Straight to Video.'" 

A lady walks in a computer store one day with a box of 5 1/2 inch disks,
says "I bought these disks and they seem to be defective."
"So", says the salesman, "what type of computer do you have?"
"An Apple," says she.
So fine, he says, and takes her over to a IIe...
"Oh, not this one," she said, "I own one of those!" And points to a Mac.
(at this point the salesman, as you do, saw where this was going, and
refused to believe it.)
"Well," says the salesman "these are 5 1/2 inch disks, they won't won't 
fit in one of those..."
"Oh, I made them fit." Says the woman.
Needless to say, she had taken a pair of scissors...