Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband
forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't
admit he'd forgotten the code.....he turned himself in.

                 -Rita Rudner

When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons
a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an
entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. 

     - Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry 

Man does not control his own fate.
The women in his life do that for him. 

     - Groucho Marx 

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
   How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose
   around your neck?"
   --- Linda Ellerbee

"While I was doing this, a neighbor walked up, and I just want to say that if
 you think it's easy to explain why you're squatting in your driveway, in
 front of a set of burning underwear, surrounded by hair spray bottles,
 holding a Barbie doll in your hand, then you are mistaken."
                        -- Dave Barry