"Why do we have to hide from the police, Daddy?"
"Because we use vi, son. They use emacs."
                        -- from the sig of Dave Fischer, alt.discordia

"The feminist notion that the whole of human history has been nothing but a
vast intricate conspiracy by men to enslave their wives, mothers, daughters,
and sisters presents us with an intellectual neurosis for which we do not yet
have a name."

                                    --Edward Abbey

For twenty-four years I've been in love with the same woman.
If my wife ever finds out she'll kill me. 

     -Henny Youngman 

But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not
found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the
door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone
her with stones that she die...

                                                 -- Deuteronomy 22:20-21

Karaoke is Japanese for "Tone Deaf"