Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. 

    - Ruth Gordon

If you think that sex is a pain in the ass, you're doing it backwards.

Seen on a bumper sticker...

    No Radio - Already Stolen 

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and
   give the wrong answers.
   -- A Bit of Fry and Laurie

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every
   word you say, talk in your sleep.