The parish commission at Roylette 
            Bought their vicar a pristine new toilet. 
                But he still voids his bowels 
                On a heap of old towels, 
            He's so very reluctant to soil it. 

There was a young man of Tyburnia 
               Who was fucking a girl with a hernia. 
                    When he shot in her twat 
                    Why, she also shot--- 
               All over him! Wouldn't that burn ya? 

There was a young girl, very sweet,
Who thought sailors' meat quite a treat.
When she sat on their lap,
She unbuttoned their flap
And always had plenty to eat.

Oh, that supple young man of Montrose 
               Who tickled his tail with his toes! 
                    His landlady said, 
                    As she made up his bed, 
               "My God! How that man blows his nose!" 

There was a young fellow named Bowen 
            Whose pecker kept growin' and growin'. 
                It grew so tremendous, 
                So long and so pendulous, 
            'Twas no good for fuckin'---just showin'.